Today I have been wanting to write a blog post to update you all on recent events but I kept getting distracted with shiny sparkly things on the Internet, then I found this when I stumbled upon a blog and discovered an amazing manifesto.
Yes, I wept.
Just a little.
You should all know by now that I’m a bit of an emotional person. I am trying to fix this with a bitter dose of cynicism every day but, when it comes down to it, I’m at a point where life feels like it’s in limbo, so my emotions are on the edge. At least, that’s how I felt ten minutes ago. Now …
First, an update:
- I’m single again.
- I’ll be unemployed in two weeks (I resigned on Friday).
- I’m still living at home.
- The parrot is still squawking.
I’ve never been happier. Or rather, I’ve never felt more like the world is waiting for me. This time, we’re both ready.
My dissertation is going to be submitted within the next fortnight. My bank account is at a happy point where I can feel comfortable in making a decision and rolling with it. I’ve spent today reading and writing and not really doing much, which is perfect (although I should probably have a shower and wash my hair … ).
The problem is that I don’t need to find my passion; I’ve found my damn passion, I just don’t know what the hell to do with it. I once said I didn’t want to write for a living – what the hell was I thinking? I also got all misty-eyed about commencing a career in publishing … Well, as it turns out, I simply cannot count pens with joy or anything remotely akin to interest. Am I impatient? Probably. Am I failure? … No. No, I don’t think I am. I tried. It didn’t work. Now I get to move on.
This is a familiar point in life – I’ve been here before. Several times, in fact. Except … this time something’s different. Something’s … Brighter. Shinier. Happier. No, not something, someone. It’s me. I’m … absolutely OK. That’s a pretty cool feeling.
There’s an advertisement on TV that I saw last night which describes life with the following linear structure:
- Build your career.
- Get married.
- Buy a house.
- Have kids.
My life is following a bit of a zig-zag structure:
- Start your career.
- Change your mind and start another one.
- Go back to uni.
- Start another career while still studying.
- Change your mind on that career too …
And … then?
- Do I look for a job I might actually enjoy? (Is there even one out there for me?)
- Do I pick a country and go do some volunteer work? (Nepal or Peru?)
- Do I get a visa and move to the UK? (Or to Canada?)
- Do I lock myself in a cabin and write, write, write until I produce something worthy of publication? (Failing a cabin, I could just find a local library … )
- Do I open a bottle of wine or is it too early in the day? (Daylight savings is on my side … )
Yes, I still want someone to take me by the hand and make my decision for me. But really, nothing I choose will be wrong if I do it with courage and seek to find my own happiness. And I can always come back to this point again and make a different choice … at least it will give me something to write about.