Sometimes I catch a glimpse in the mirror and falter before looking back at my reflection. For a brief moment it wasn’t me who I spied in that glass, looking back with green eyes and a tranquil expression. It was someone else. Someone far prettier and far more capable than I. Someone I simultaneously love and hate, envy and appreciate.
I stare and stare at my reflection after these moments. It could not possibly have been me who looked so calm, so relaxed, so innocently beautiful (or beautifully innocent). The person I glimpsed isn’t worried about work, isn’t thinking about study, isn’t feeling like a thousand decisions have fallen like stones into the pit of her belly.
When did I make it so complicated? Yes, me. I made – and didn’t make – certain decisions that led me here. I made “it” complicated. And beautiful. And wonderful. And unrelenting. And perfect. And horrid.
If you write a list of three things you love about your life and three things you hate, do you actively seek to change those things you hate and increase those things you love, or do you roll over and shrug. “That’s just how life is,” you sigh, and you continue. A cycle of putting up with an excess of things that give you no joy in order to briefly experiences the things that do.
I’d like to be that person I glimpse in the mirror for more than just a flickering moment in the glass.